Quotes, Jokes & Ideas for a Birthday Speech

We have had a lot of requests in the past few months for some one liners for birthday speeches. We have a number of threads on the discussion forum that contain information that would help you to put together your birthday speech. Also here are a few one liners you could use.

One liners

Speech-making is a bit like prospecting for black gold. If you don't strike oil in 10 minutes, stop boring.

I'm told that the best speech makers follow three simple rules. Stand Up. Speak Up. Then, very quickly, Shut Up. I'll try to stick to that advice.

The brain is a wonderful thing. It never stops functioning from the time you're born until the moment you stand up to make a speech. - Herbert V Prochnow and Herbert V Prochnow Jnr

May you live all the days of your life - Jonathan Swift

Birthday Jokes

Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing.
I told my computer that today is my birthday,
and it said that I needed an upgrade.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

A true friend remembers your birthday but not your age.

"I guess I didn't get my birthday wish."
"How do you know?"
"You're still here!"

Will you come to my party on Saturday? Yes, please, What's the address? 25 The High Street. Just push the bell with your elbow. Why with my elbow? Well, you won't be empty-handed, will you!  

Age jokes

I am not young enough to know everything - JM Barrie

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. - Bob Hope

Example speeches

We also have a couple of birthday speech examples -
Birthday Speech Example 1
Example of 18th/ 21st Birthday Speech
Birthday speech by a parent

There are also some free Birthday PowerPoint Templates as well as some advice on Dealing with nerves